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danny_172
29-07-2002, 14:29
1. THE GHOST POO
The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know you've done it, but
when you wipe there is nothing on the paper and there is no poo in the
toilet. Where did it go?
2. THE CLEAN POO
The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that it virtually falls
out of your bottom. You can see poo in the toilet but there is nothing on
the toilet paper.
3. THE HOT TAR POO
The kind of poo where even after 50 wipes you are still getting staining on
the paper so you have to put some bog roll between your bum cheeks and in
your underwear to prevent skid marks.
4. THE SECOND THOUGHT POO
Just as you think you've finished your poo and have painfully wiped yourself
clean and pulled your pants to the knee, you realise there is still some
more poo to come out.
5. THE LINCOLN LOG POO
The kind of poo that's so huge you're afraid that it will not flush down the
toilet unless you break it up into little pieces with the bog brush. This
poo only happens when you are at somebody elses house.
6. THE SWEETCORN POO
Self explanatory
7. THE "I WISH I COULD POO" POO
You really feel as if you need to poo but every time you try, all you manage
is a couple of tiny farts.
8. THE SIDE BIRTH or THE BOO-HOO POO
This poo hurts so much that you swear it is coming out sideways -
your eyes water and you will probably needs stitches
9. THE FISHERMAN'S BOBBER OR FLOATING POO You do your poo and flush 2
times but there are still several golf-ball size pieces floating above the
water
10. THE SULTANA POO
This type of poo is really frustrating. You get yourself prepared
for
a "Side - Birth" and spend about half an hour sweating it out on the
bog, but all you manage in the end is a small plop resembling a
sultana
11. THE INSPIRATIONAL POO
This is when you have a revelation on the toilet. You're sitting on
the pan when suddenly a resolution to a problem or an
inspirational thought pops into your head. This is a rare poo which
only gifted people can do

12. THE NERVOUS POO
An all too familiar poo to many, these poos occur when you are in a nervous
state. An example could be when you are waiting for a job interview, this is
when the nervous-poo-bowel-movement kicks in. Nervous poos consist mainly
of farts.

danny_172
29-07-2002, 14:29
Had me in stitches when I read it!

WillW
29-07-2002, 14:45
Monday Mornings are always good for a sit down.

Especially if you've been camping sorry I mean carping all weekend. One not on your list involves a heavy dense and clean preliminary movement followed by a steady flow of putrid runny sludge.

apples
29-07-2002, 14:55
you guys must be bored today... sat here talking s@*t !....

Steve_White
29-07-2002, 18:50
What about the following:
The Never-Ending Story- may need to stand to accomplish the full length.
The Firehose - mainly water-based and creates a huge mess.
The Jaggy - extremely painfull.
The Stinker - Reeks sooo bad you don't recognisethe smell.
The Fireball - self explanatory. Why are currys so much hotter on the way out!!?
The Poppets - like machine-gun bullets.
The Blip - only small, but causes a huge splash.

Tadpolepat
29-07-2002, 19:40
The Play-doh poo: a seemingly infinite length of turd which exits with consistent diameter and velocity only to curl up at its terminus... one of the most satisfying and effortless turds available. Resembles those little play-doh squeezers or a pasta machine.

Carpmad
29-07-2002, 21:25
Mr white, didnt happen to recieve a wonderfully illustrated birthday card in the not to distant past?

The worst "while fishing" deposit has to be the "extremely runny" just how do you dispose of that one?

Carpchasser
30-07-2002, 09:05
The Friday Afternoon Carp Mag Poo.

Your at work on a Friday, touching cloth all afternoon.

Mr Brown has almost got his nose out, you refuse to off load at work, you dash home at 5:30 hoing that you you will not get stuck in any traffic.

You get home (bum cheeks together) , burst though the door, make a quick brew and grab your most recent carp mag and head for the bog.

TRap door is then opened.

Steve_White
31-07-2002, 08:22
How did you guess!!