View Full Version : Caption Contest 2
.....I've got this carp fishing lark licked!
These novelty balloons are great.........two more puffs and it's a 30!!!
" If Rex Hunt can do it, then so can i "
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
CarponlineEditor
05-03-2001, 11:08
Now I know why they thaid I thould unhook the fith firtht.
Andy
"Oi you, that was my last Pop Up,......Give it back"
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
"Ahhhhh id much rather kiss you than the missus."
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
so its fourth finger down,and that gives me f sharp!!!!
The new Carp Trumpet kept the anglers amussed through the long blank spells.
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
...no I'm not kissing it, I'm checking to see whether it's an import......ahhh, no, she hasn't got garlc breath!
All those lonely nights were finally taking their toll.
Cheapskate angler<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by Neil on 05/03/01 01:02 PM (server time).</FONT></P>
This gentlemen, is a demonstration of our new top secret carp-shaped bazooka.
Cheapskate angler
His girlfriend is so common!
Cheapskate angler
....and the dating agency were right...a perfect match!
Oh all right darling I promise !! No tongues!!
(or is that not clean enough?)
...Nigel was soon to discover that carp actually had pharyngeal teeth....
Harry tried the 'kiss of life' before placing the carp in the recovery position.
Smarts
CarponlineEditor
05-03-2001, 14:18
The carp, now petrified at the thought of being kissed by such an ugly individual, suddenly raised its dorsal fin, flipped round 180 degrees as hard as it could slapping the angler in the face with its large tail, hovered for a second and then flew off across the trees at a great rate of knots heading for the nearest RMC water. lol
Andy
I LOVE YOU.
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paulh
"A Passion for Angling"
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paulh
So this is French kissing.......
Smarts
....so this is Narnia!
Oh well you never know?
Mirror Mirror.....Who's the sexiest carp fisherman of them all !!!
CarponlineEditor
05-03-2001, 17:50
Dont give me that! You know where the biguns are, now squeal or else!!!!!!!!
Im forever blowing bubbles........................
Give me bait back!!!
Alex.
Flaming Liars, they told me if I blow in its mouth & stick my finger up its arse, it would grant me three wishes !!!!!!!
this carp needs mouth to mouth resusitation - its been out the water too long.
sam
'Welcome to England!'
sam
'Just see if i can get some of my hemp back!'
sam
'It started with a kiss'
sam
Now that weve been formally introduced, any chance of a Blow**B.....
ah, so that is how they genetically breed carp!
sam
PeterHudd
05-03-2001, 18:59
"How do you like my new personalized phone cover".
P.Hudd
PeterHudd
05-03-2001, 19:01
"HELLO anyone in there".
P.Hudd
Scorpio, Scorpio you in there I didn't mean to use you as bait honest.
Tony
Angler to Carp.... I love you
Carp to Angler.... Rivercarper snogged me last week too
Angler..... throws up
Tony
'ill just apply the new oral klinique!'
sam
PeterHudd
05-03-2001, 19:51
" Because of the recent outbreak of foot and mouth i just thought i would take my time out to check its mouth as its foot is alright."
P.Hudd
PeterHudd
05-03-2001, 20:44
I have had good hook holds before but this one takes the mick!
P.Hudd
Theres an old urban myth, that by kissing a fish will make it stop raining................well its not f**king working.
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
Carp to Angler:
" are you sure your not scorpio, your about his height"..........lol
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
Rivercarper
05-03-2001, 20:54
Just give up I ain't going to turn in to Caprice.
let me smell your breath youve been drinking again havent you.
rooky /images/forum/icons/smile.gif
andy rooke
Oh my god run for your lives he's mutating into a Carp.
Tony
PeterHudd
05-03-2001, 20:57
You dont half smell like my wife.
P.Hudd
'ive found this great way of catching these carp now its well easy all you need to do is waggle your tongue in the water!'
sam
Fish says to angler; "You talking to ME?"
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paulh
"Here's looking at you kid"
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paulh
Open wide.. wider ..wider
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paulh
Ah yes 2 fillings needed
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paulh
Carp to Angler ''
i thought that you said Boilies tasted nice''
rooky /images/forum/icons/smile.gif
andy rooke
thats not how they normally do it in france!
sam
You may now kiss the bride!
sam
Carp to Angler
''noof kissin mate put me back im getting wet!!!!!''
rooky /images/forum/icons/smile.gif
andy rooke
i thought you were suppost to keep the out side of the carp wet!
sam
Gobby by name, Gobby by nature!
sam
If I suck hard enough will my legs inflate back to their normal size?
Tony
angler- you could do with some of those mini polos!
sam
paulmansel
05-03-2001, 22:39
carp: please get this growth off my lip, its bloody annoying and it does no good for pulling the ladies
I know you Anti's are supposed to be kind to us fish. But this is just bleedin rediculus!
The Gnome.
" all you tackle tarts out there might have ya stainless mugs......,but i've got the all new 'CARP MUG'
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
[b] Waasssssuppppp!!!?
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paulh
"youre the one that I want,oo ooo oo, oh yes indeed"
or Welcome to my world,wont you come on in.
or
Will you still love me in the morning?
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paulh
Voulez vous couche avec moi c'est soir?
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paulh
Who loves ya baby
or
I could've been a contender
or
Would you like to see my etchings?
or
DONT call me babe
or
Spose we ave a post coital fag now
or
We'll meet again
or
Parting is such sweet sorrow
or Does yer dad own a brewery
or
No dont kiss me a get terrible stubble rash
/images/forum/icons/cool.gif /images/forum/icons/cool.gif paulh
When will I see you again?
paulh
And for my next trick - the amazing carp swallowing act.
Whats that Flipper?......someone needs help
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paulh
.....If you wanna know,if he loves you so,its in his kiss
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paulh
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
or I can tell by the look in your eyes your'e going to cry,
is it over me?
If it is,save your tears for I'm not worth it,you'll see
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paulh
CarponlineEditor
06-03-2001, 14:42
As you can see the RMC staff check their stockies inside and out before they are introduced into their new homes.
Oh no... I knew I shouldn't have used superglue to fix that bloomin' floater to the hook.
Tony
now i know why kryston called it bondage!
sam
CarponlineEditor
06-03-2001, 18:51
That's it mate! The proper way to do it is to sit on the unhooking mat to protect your knees, hold the carp's lip with your teeth, so that it dont wriggle, and then slip your finger up its arse to make its dorsal lift up, there you go perfect piccy. lol
paulmansel
06-03-2001, 19:41
a whole new meaning to love at first sight
(not quite sure who for though...)
Go on quick! no-ones looking.
Baz
This blow-job lark isn't as exciting as everyone makes out is it?
Baz
These things make great trumpets don't they!
or
I know my mates in there somewhere.
or
Where's the bleeding chips?
Baz
Well Tiny, thanks for all the help with me rigs for the last 6 months. Me tanks too small for you now, but you'll be safe in 'ere. You'll be well fed & won't get caught 'cos Rivercarper's fishing 'ere. Ta Ta.
Rocky
"Carptalk"
Cheapskate angler
Remember............come back and visit me when you reach 30!
I'll miss you...................
Smarts
Now go and fetch ya daddy
Woa! Now hang about and put yer glasses on mate, cause I'm no Frog, an you certainly aint no Princess!
The Gnome.
daytimedave
07-03-2001, 20:58
nice wine!
un-usual bottle?
CarponlineEditor
07-03-2001, 21:02
You can tell the angler was imported by his cap!!!
CarponlineEditor
07-03-2001, 21:03
And so, once the echo sounder is fitted to this model all you have to do is sit on the bank and watch the screen to find out where the bigger ones are.
CarponlineEditor
07-03-2001, 21:05
Mat!!, Mat!!, No I'm not Mat stupid!! You're sposed you use it for me not sit on it
How refreshing, how Heinican.
sam
I,d love to kiss you but you is de wrong color.
" No Rowing Boats, No Bait Boats............well lets see how they like me new Carp Sub! "
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
CarponlineEditor
08-03-2001, 08:59
It doesnt matter how much you look inside it Sim0n you still wont make it into a crucian. lol
New inovations......... personal unhooking
Tony
I'm gonna fill this with hot water and ................ hey presto a wicked stylie hot water bottle.
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
Who you calling butt ugly?Butt ugly.
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paulh
this is what happens to people that go on the RMC website for too long thus not seeing a fish for a very long time!
sam
daytimedave
09-03-2001, 18:29
it started with a kiss............
oi ive already said that mate!
sam
CarponlineEditor
09-03-2001, 18:58
Errrrr This doesnt look like my keyboard. Wheres the RMC forum?
lol Stolen the idea from SamR
ian, when does this comp end?
cheers
sam
CarponlineEditor
09-03-2001, 20:45
It ends whenever he is ready and the next one is ready to go up here.
Andy
daytimedave
09-03-2001, 21:00
oy cut it out will yah
just take your silly photo and put me back
i dont know .....you carp anglers?
daytimedave
09-03-2001, 21:02
whoops sorry sam
did nt see you there
i do appologise,
CarponlineEditor
09-03-2001, 21:12
He just dont stop carping on does he? lol
Andy
CarponlineEditor
09-03-2001, 21:14
HELLO MUM? YES I GOT THE NEW MOBILE YOU SENT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY, THANKS, ITS A BIT BIG THOUGH!!!!!
it started with a kiss............
When i put this on i'll win that fancy dress competition easily.
or
Yep you do need that chapstick.
or
The chemist was wrong this isn't permenent lipstick and the colour doesn't suit you as well.
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
CarponlineEditor
10-03-2001, 13:04
Brings a whole new meaning to a carp sack.
Rivercarper
10-03-2001, 18:45
I told you before I don't like blow backs from those carp fags
Hello Peachy, I thought you,d be about 35lb whats happened? I'm addicted to those slimfast baits Noddys' using.
Rocky
This is the biggest Fisherman Friend I've seen
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paulh
'why does it always rain on me?'
sam
I'll tell you who shot Phil Mitchell when you put me down!!!
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh Matron!!!!!!!!!
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
swisstoni
12-03-2001, 09:04
the bayliff was a little too keen to discover if i was using peanuts!
It started with a kiss......./images/forum/icons/laugh.gif
Cheapskate angler
CB1_chig
12-03-2001, 18:36
Your teeth are ok but your gums have got to come
J'taime ma cherie...... as they say in France
Tony
Hellllpp , I have my tongue caught in its pharangnal Teeth
Tony
Just put your lips together and blow
Rocky
CarponlineEditor
12-03-2001, 21:19
I think these RMC lapel badges are just too big you know Ian. lol
Steve had got the idea of interviewing top carpers all wrong.
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
Carp to Man: Scuse me mate i'm playing hide and seek with my friends and i bet they wouldn't find me in your mouth.
Baz/images/forum/icons/smile.gif
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:16
brought a new meaning to the mafia turm sleeping with the fishes!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:18
garry rodes said that they tasted wonderful ... he lied
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:19
he's been whaching too much jamie oliver... pukka (up) carp!!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:20
will you marry me?
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:20
if i get chaught cheatin im gona be stuck with you!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:22
meatloaf. and i will do any thing for love.... even this!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:26
the dramatic effects of foot and MOUTH!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:31
we met. Buy the Bank. It was raining. The time was 3:00. Then i saw her. I took her in my arms and we kissed. she went away never looking back though i new she wanted to. i never saw her again!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:39
his wife had a very convincing fancydress costume.
...When the tablets wore off Trevor often found himself in the most embarrasing situations....
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:46
at least you were cheeper to romance than the wife there was only bait, pva, particles,spod rockets, hooks, line, bivi, rods,reels,petrol,gas,food,beer............ and that was just the wife!!!
...Rivercarpers first attempt at growing a beard was a little disappointing....
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:51
his taste is slippin. only a few weeks ago he was going out with areal the mermaid...
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:53
i object to using wisky flavoured boilies. is't distastefull getting a girl drunk just to get a kiss!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:55
man to fish
"when you say come back to mine...?"
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:56
and i ate his liver with..... a big wet fish
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 09:58
man down the pub
yeah one nite of nokie and i never saw her again
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 10:00
when i look into your eyes i can see my unborne children??!!??!?!??!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 10:05
fish : i f.c.u.king hate this song .... raining men!!
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 10:07
the carps annual kissing comp proved a great SUCKsess
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 10:45
thanks to his mates blind geoff got it wrong. they said if it smeels of fish kiss it.
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 10:46
the pole was results were right 1 in 10 can taste the diffrence!!
I think Marrenelo wants the day on the pads lake, what do you think fishy.
"what you hope the weathers the same when he goes, bad fishy for that i`ll have to give you a nice big wet kiss"
(not very funny i know!, how many posts has Marrenelo submitted!!)
Afraid of the ridicule at school, and not happy with the back of his hand, Jeffery practised his french kissing whilst persuing his hobby.
Smarts
Angler to fish; get yer coat you've pulled
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paulh
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 15:30
as a student it aint often that i get the chance to even try to get a day at some nice lakes i get bout £25 a week to spend on fishin and beer!!
I was only joking mate.
Its good to see you having a go
i wouldn`t mind 24hrs on there, i hope you win.
"man: hello love, s**t i thought you was the misses, you certainly smell the same!"
marrenelo
13-03-2001, 15:43
chears same to you
What do you think of my new blow pipe fish, if you blow through the mouth it gets all excited and shots boillies out its arse, at a range of 50yards as well.! bloody marvellous,no more need for a catty.
Amazing what Tesco can do these days
Marrage trouble, got to get his hands around something
Protavit Lover does it again
Its amazing what you will do when the fishing gets tough
When the kissing gets tough the fishing gets going
Can i have a goodbye kiss
I knew the lake was easy but these is just too much
do you believe in love at first sight
Do you want chips with that
5 reasons why a carp is better than a woman:
Once youve finished with them they don't cost you a penny
You can have em on a one night stand or for a whole season
You can just bung em a quick meal and theyre yours
They don't discriminate about size, theyll have anything, from a 3mm pinkie to a 12 inch lobworm
Once youve pulled them in, you can hit the carp sack for the whole night and they'll still be there when you wake up!
Sorry if that was a bit rude
Why is it you put so much effort into pulling the fat ones then?
The instructions say:place this on your [censored] and it would make a great novilty condom.
Baz
Cash decided that this 'photo shoot was going too far.........
Smarts
The initiation ceremony for the Specimen Hunters Group was a strange one.........
Smarts
Scorpio would do *anything* to get in the Specimen Hunters Group!
Smarts
Yaaaahooo! I'm gonna be rich my little fishy...I'll have water skiers banging on my door when they know I've found a lake that slopes!!!
Clive
Like my new ' Decorative Pipe'?
Can I just ask who is the guy in the photo because if he ever sees all the jokes we have written about him I don't want to be around because he is going to lump a couple of you but it will teach him not to go around kissing fish I would hate to see what happened if he landed a shark of the great white kind.
Alex.
So this is how life as we know it began.
Put me back i dont kiss things with funny hats.
Fish talk
Posh orfe fanny fosse
Tinky Winky (i think thats the one in the blue??) always looked forward to his favorite meal of the day.......Mmmmmm..Carp!!
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
CarponlineEditor
16-03-2001, 07:29
This will be the fourth Brian Mills carving I've had in the Anglers Mail!!.
AAAHHHHH, i hate those marmite boilies!
sam
philchampion
17-03-2001, 15:47
no tonguey tonguey on the first date.
"have you been seeing someone else behind my back?"
sam
"i could have sworn that you were 30lb when i saw you yesterday."
sam
I'll huff, and I'll puff, and you bloody well will get to 30!
Talk about fish stress...... poor sod!
Toulouse le Trec finds new love!
CarponlineEditor
18-03-2001, 19:39
You know.... This fish is nearly as old as this competition. lol
Excuse me Carpy, can you tell me which way faces east?
Clive /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
"here is the new 'swiss army carp' with its new kissing tool!"
sam
And all my mates get on their lips are coldsores!!!
Clive
Don't look now, but there's a Daily Mail photographer in those bushes... he thinks your names Mary...
Clive
philchampion
18-03-2001, 21:06
look I know you can swallow a goldfish but I don.t think I will fit, put me back.
"i could have sworn you were mary's mate!"
cheers
sam
Puff...puuuffff...Ian said these inflatable decoys work really well here... puff....
Clive
i can't blow up any bigger
philchampion
18-03-2001, 21:15
look if you want your boilie back blow this end & suck the other end
"How much am i getting for this again mate?"
sam
Ian was practising his kissing on anything before he attempted anything on rivercarper.
This is an impression of Sol Campbell kissing the FA cup when Spurs win it.
Hurrah George Graham's been sacked.
Now we know how fish lips pete got his name.
Baz
Get orf, I'm a male and hetrosexual.
Tony
my wife told me one day I would look like a carp
Tony
Sorry fishy I thought you was a can of stella
Tony
I hope tou are wearing a PVA bag I don't want to get pregnant
Tony
The 'Antis' were amazed and surprised over our 'love' and care of the fish.
Smarts
Billy loved his new carp pillow.
Smarts
After many blank weekends Neil finally had a carp....and was just checking that his hook hold was indeed correct.....
Paulm /images/forum/icons/wink.gif
carp to angler; "I hope you're using protetion, I dont want to get svc"
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paulh
"instead of catching foot and mouth this angler has got carp in mouth."
cheers
sam
"after the angler's carp had got too big for his pond, it was time to release it back into the wild"
cheers
sam
"after a hard winter the carp finally found a new way to gain weight"
sam
your lip stick tastes nice
Sigourny Weaver's clever disguise did not fool the forth generation face hugger......
Smarts
"How can i tell the gender of these fish again ian?"
cheers
sam
'All this bullsh*t about a new strain of Piranah Carp....AAAAARRRRGGHHH...'
Clive
"Theres a first time for everything"
sam
No i'm not the bloody tooth fairy.
Baz
Kiss me Kate
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paulh
"he just won't be able to get the same commitment back from the carp"
sam
...Trevors parent's could't afford to buy him a Puppy....
......Alex's reputation preceeded him on many lakes he fished....all the carp wanted a kiss & a signed photo......
PeterHudd
24-03-2001, 11:17
....... with most of my fish i can lie about the weight and call them twenties but this one just needs a litlle blowing up......
P.Hudd
Better go easy on them garlic flavoured boilies!!!!
Bet he didnt know there was cctv in operation did he????
I had my bait on the bar,
It wasn't me
Heard my alarms getting louder,
It wasnt me
After a quick scrap it was over
It wasnt me
Then they caught us red handed kissing on the Yately floor,
I wanted to put it back, but I had to give it one more
How could I forget that it was just a pastie?
All this time I was kissing it, it wanted me to set it free!
Sorry lads, my poor translation of the Shaggy song!
bloody hell mate, ur breath stinks
Oi.... when they said Fishmeal they meant the bait not to eat the bloody fish
Tony
Nice one SimOn!!
Wonder if Alex'll see the post or it'll be wasted!!
Smarts
Carp and chips, the new alternative to cod and chips.
cheers
sam
Wrong end mate, the tails up is at the other end
Tony
rhornegold
27-03-2001, 21:20
No I'm not Tel and you cant have my autograph!!!!!!!
Bob Hornegold
Thanks for that love, you were great!
Ah, so thats where the saying 'mug' fish comes from.
sam
Andy says "I wonder how many weights I can fit in this ones mouth I think I can make it go twenty"
"Well this one hasn't been effected by foot and mouth"
and yes I did see that post earlier if you win you have to split the prize.
Alex "Danger Man" Hayyez
Ooooh! careful where you put your hand your nails are sharp,
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paulh
I asked for a slapper not a flapper.
Baz
Oi! Where's my babycham first? Cheeky.
This is a funny ballon.
James
"Just wait till I get you in the sack darling"
CarponlineEditor
30-03-2001, 16:10
For gods sake Jules, cant you catch any other fish? lol
Either Vietnam screwed his head up or Hank had been living alone in the woods for far too long.
Noooooooo, no kissing, I save that for my boyfriend!
"C'mon baby, there's no need to be so koi."
In an attempt to overcome his phobia of carp, this angler clearly went too far.
sam
Hi,
When are you going to pick a winner?
James
In these days of Political Correctness the angler carefully lays out the bandaid before sticking it to the carps lip!!!
Freespirit
01-04-2001, 17:39
I knew i shouldn't have used super glue on my hooklengths!
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