View Full Version : Caption Contest 5
CarponlineEditor
21-04-2002, 19:38
You know, Ian had hair at the beginning of the last caption comp...........!!
Andy
who needs a wonderbra !!!!!
Terry
PeterHudd
21-04-2002, 19:54
If i stand like this do u think i look like tinky winky???? or is it la la
The young carper in Ian's pre-baited spot agreed to move.
Having seen the belly, he had no intention of staying to find out what was causing the bulge in the trousers. /forum/images/icons/smile.gif
huffythefirst
21-04-2002, 22:05
"who are you calling a monkey?"
"do I look fat in this?"
or how about
"i'm trying to impress the carp in my trousers - monkey mating displays should do it"
Mark_Blake
21-04-2002, 22:06
Fabien bartez was not impressed with the naew man utd strip!
Oh god i thought it was only Starman who stripped off after catching a 30+ common!
Sam
Rivercarper
22-04-2002, 05:37
Another application for the "Red Spinners"
daytimedave
22-04-2002, 06:41
hold on a second!,......where`s me fish gone?
BasildonCarper
22-04-2002, 10:22
wind ya body, wriggle your belly.........
Lifting his shirt revealed dippy's final resting place!
The 'Dreamboys' audition was a disaster...
Ian found that at the correct angle he could light up the dark and dingy back bay.....
Don't worry......I'll recharge your solar baitboat, mate!
Ian was proud of the beginning of his 'Real-Tree' tattoo...
Ian was confident he could get the carp on floaters if he could angle the sun just right.....
In response to " what colour's the new NRG, mate"......
I said stop acting like a [censored], not show us one!
I said I fancied a little tipple, not nipple
BasildonCarper
22-04-2002, 13:32
see i told you the new john roberts waistband did the trick, holds these on nice and tight
BasildonCarper
22-04-2002, 13:34
how to fire boilies out of your belly button - bangkok style!
How long has Russ Abbot been field testing Pukka pie pop up's then ?
Cooperman
22-04-2002, 14:14
When meeting another "Free Mason", this is the gesture that you must do.
Cooperman.
BasildonCarper
22-04-2002, 14:46
if you want my boilie or you think im sexy, come on buzzer make a sound....
After Ian had spotted some fish in an 'out of bounds' snaggy area, this was the only way he could get the fish to 'spook' out into open water.
Footage of Ian auditioning to be the new belly of the Reebok adverts.
Pagie
who needs a six pack?.... ive got a whole barrel.
Terry
daytimedave
22-04-2002, 19:03
is that a bag of boilies in your pocket?
or are you just pleased to see me!
'He's obvioously been scoffing those baits - look at the gut on him!'
'I'm sure i'll make 50lb next year'
'Simmo fish! Ha! Check out the growth of Russell fish!'
Dell_Boy
24-04-2002, 12:17
That's what I call a right [censored]!!
Whatever it is that Starman has, it's obviously contagious....
Ian showed the crowd how he won the Britney Spears look-a-like contest...
HBS.........Horrible Belly Scarer !!
sumo wrestler seen running around horten.do not approach unless armed with a wet kipper and a copy of improve your course fishing.
beast
andy_w21uk
24-04-2002, 20:55
"those Indian Spice are Indian nice, think i need to start cutting down on the pop ups"
""how is it that when i eat a boilie i put on a stone yet when the fish eat a kilo of em they barely put on an ounce"
andy
andy_w21uk
24-04-2002, 20:59
"when the lads said i need at least 15kgs for the week, i did think it was a bit excessive. but now i make an entertaining rattling sounds when i walk"
andy
i wonder if this pops up!!!!!!
Terry
PeterHudd
24-04-2002, 21:41
"im not really to sure about this new pop up mix, i only eat 2 ounces and its made me belly pop out and my (censored) pop out to the side."
carperman
24-04-2002, 23:03
Well I'm ready for a bit of spawning, how about you?
"Sorry, I though it was two feet in a bucket and show my right nipple to join up!
Oh well, will this cash in my pocket suffice?"
Bill.
I must go and buy a support bra, my left breast has sagged so much it's in my pocket
There was an awed hush in the crowd as Ian showed off his 'camo' nipple ring....
Ian showed the crowd that there was nothing under his shirt before mysteriously producing a rabbit from 'out of nowhere'.
Gazza's mate, five bellies, was a right laugh on the bank........
cornishbob1
25-04-2002, 10:06
THE SUN
AGEING JIMMY KRANKIE TURNS TO STRIPPING
58year old krankie member Jimmy has been a stripper for the last six months in a rundown bar close to terminal 3,shocked locals state jimmy has been using all manner of strange appliances in the stage act,one local who wishes to remain nameless stated that his little round balls stay up for 36 hours when lassoed but are a little disappointing when pierced.
Ian on being asked for proof that today's boilies offer weight gain.......
Russ Abbot found costume changes rather frantic in the panto' season..........
On the evidence in front of him, the record company executive felt that a re-release of Right Said Fred's hit "I'm too sexy for my shirt" was not a good idea.
Lol....especially when they said "prove it" !
PS....Ian's gonna kill me!
Ha!...Noticed that you think he's looking very Russ Abbot too 'Jack'.....everyone at work thinks so too!
I new Russ had been a bit down on his luck lately but it was still a shock to see him in the flesh so to speak
hey smarts!
Mikefromsunbury
25-04-2002, 11:34
Cor its BUSTER BLOODVESSEL,Lip up fatty!!!!
lol, lol, lol
In true monty python stylee...."waffer thin mint sir"..."F**k off i'm stuffed! but you can do me another pound of them boilies"
When approached by a female Environment Agency Officer checking rod licences the offer of i'll show you mine if you show me yours was sure to end in disaster when Ian whipped his top up and proceeded to flash the young lady his right breast!
After starring as an extra in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Ian proceed to show off his newly acquired Wudan skillz!
Nip one swung too low!
The new HBS throwing Stick...sure to put a smile on every girlfriends face...to win your girlfriend a trial free of charge spot where Ian has it hidden!
At a recent RMC Junior Fish-in Ian showed some of the youngsters his prefered method of celebrating a 30! Funny, the kids thought he was great, some of the mothers seemed less than impressed!
"Starry! Am I glad to see you or is that a bait boat in my pocket?"
Proof indeed that turning an eel on its back and gentle stroking it, does indeed stop it from going all wriggly
HBS add a new service to their business:
HEATHROW BELLY DANCING SERVICES
Do you think this is big enough to get a tattoo of Benson on? No mate, Two Tone more like.
Visible proof of the weight gains that can be acheived, when Viv Shears is your personal trainer! From 9 stone weekling to 15 stone of hard hittin carp angler in under six months
Has anyone seen my polaroids?
Thats the worst bit of spawn retention i have ever seen
Pagie
" I look a right [censored]."
or
" If you think I'm sexy ,cum on baby let me know."
" You may now kiss the bride "....
"Now you know how I get me boilies so round, I use me belly as a template and if they stick in me' belly button for 24hrs without falling out I'll sell 'em"
every time i turn around its my birthday
The name's Bond - Basildon Bond. Licensed to kill and drive heavy goods vehicles. The work I do is so secret, even my inside leg measurement is ex-directory. We all have code names, working our way backwards through the alphabet. My boss is P. Before that he was Q. So after Q-ing for a while, he finally got to P
Everyone though that 'Pop Idol' had lost it's magic.......
LOUGHNANE
03-05-2002, 16:24
"Get in my Belly!!!", "My fat boilie belly!!!!"
*scott*
I THINK IVE TIED TO MANY HAIR RIGS NOW IAM BALD ALL OVER [OLD CHINESE PROVERB BIRDS DONT MAKE NESTS IN EMPTY TREES] SO ITS BACK TO THE BIVVY TO TAKE MY THROWING STICK OUT OF MY POCKET AND BAIT MY SWIM
[MUCH RESPECT TO THE MAN ]
Ian auditions for a job at the Spearmint Rhino.
Tannersboy
07-05-2002, 18:55
With a diet of pellets and pop ups, Ian got to record weight in no time.....
Tannersboy
08-05-2002, 22:38
Definately looks French to me......Short, stocky, plus check that gut.....
So then boyz what 'rod' shall i buy..........hehehe
soz couldn't resist
Now all I have got to do is grow a big bushy beard and I'd look like Nelly!!!!
Is that a boile rocket in you pocket or are you just glad to see me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who said dana international was a man?
Oh my god! He ate Benny
You b*st*rd!!!!!
/forum/images/icons/wink.gif
Takedown
16-05-2002, 07:43
"See, it's Spring and I'm spawning soon!!"
Takedown
17-05-2002, 09:25
Belly's goin' to get you, Belly's goin' to get you!
No wonder they call Ian 'The King of pop ups'. Just look at his trousers.
Ian was confident that anything Bruce Lee did.....so could he.
Ian had completely the wrong idea about stalking........
Great Hooters! **** me Sam Fox looks a bit ropey these days!
from total recall:
quaid............open your mind, open your mind...................
darrell
sb130579
26-05-2002, 23:22
And you thought Jordan looked pregnant!!!
sb130579
27-05-2002, 07:18
Heathrow Bait Services are proud to announce the arrival of their new pop up baits aptly named BELLY BUSTERS!!!!
"BLOBBY...BLOBBYBLOBBYBLOBBY....BLOBBY!"
Mr Blobby showing off the 2002 summer carp attire, a must for all fashion victims, er em I mean fashion follower's.
"I AM breathing in.And by the way have you seen my false teeth? They're the new range realtree ones, all the rage dont you know, only trouble is they fell out and I'm blowed if I can find them."
Inbetween catches ian likes to play charades. His impression of his sixties pop idols PINK FAIRIES was remarkable!
Ian, as the official HBS taster proudly displays his boilie belly. "proof of the pudding is in the eating" says Ian.
Is that a pop up in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
The manufacturers of Wonderbra admitted that the new "Hello Boys" advert had not proved as popular as the original.
Friar_Tuck
29-05-2002, 16:24
Get on the HBS Raspberry Nipple Milk Protein pop-ups boys!
Pheeew! no more beans for me thanks.
Well Julian Clary says this stalking technique has got him a few big ones!
abbeylad
01-06-2002, 12:21
'I am thinking of having a nipple ring but cannot decided whether to go for barbless or barbed'
doggibbon
09-06-2002, 12:29
"Honest Gov, its belly was this big!!!"
if i get a belly like this from my baits just think what would happen to the carp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang on while i change my shirt so i can get another picture for when i say ive had the same fish out in a few weeks time for carp angler of the year./forum/images/icons/smile.gif
Id better change this shirt as its a Nash bait one./forum/images/icons/smile.gif
If you think this is big wait till you see what's in my pocket.
Clarissa
11-06-2002, 16:25
Press the top button and a boilie fires out of the navel. A good curry the night before aids distance
reflector
12-06-2002, 15:55
"and which side do you dress young man"
Clarissa
13-06-2002, 13:41
You see, There is a third way !!
Clarissa
13-06-2002, 13:45
I see you are selling GM maggots now
Everyone was shocked to discover Ian's ' new breakthrough ' was, in fact, male pregancy.
BuggedByTench
14-06-2002, 21:17
Ian quotes, " I believe in personally testing all of my baits for maxium growth potential before marketing them. The trouble is I think I over done the female hormone levels in the last batch. I think I might be pregnant!"
Ian's new fudge boilies catch the carp and the anglers that can't stop eating them themselves!
Sam
I'm to sexy for my t-shirt!
Ray.
jasper31
16-06-2002, 16:03
Is this how to do the new RMC's secret handshake????
Tadpolepat
21-06-2002, 18:00
Ian returns from another hard day on the set of Alien 4
Damn I forgot the attractors! Oh well if this doesn't get em going I'm off down the pub. (never fails)
Takedown
24-06-2002, 12:27
". . . and as you can see, a sustained diet of HBS rolled bait will help them pack the weight on, I was a 7 stone weakling at the beginning of the season"
Takedown
24-06-2002, 12:31
" . . . and as far as we can establish the only side effect of our hi-viz pop-ups is the appearance of a strange image on the belly!!"
fishydave
24-06-2002, 16:35
I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my handle, here's my spout, if you want a cup of tea, all you gotta shout is tip me up and poor me out
Ian's contact with Mark at Blake's Tackle was beginning to show....../forum/images/icons/laugh.gif
Ian laughed off the accusation that all those bait chemicals had any lasting effect whatsoever...
and this one is the latching L E D
"It's life Jim... but not as WE know it."
WANTED
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
Tadpolepat
26-06-2002, 23:00
Instructions: Twist nipple for 5 level sensitivity.
Tannersboy
27-06-2002, 11:27
"You know when you've been Heathrow'd"
Due to cut backs Heathrow Bait Services, can't afford the Girls for next years calendar.
adam789uk
01-07-2002, 12:07
get in ma belly!!
adam789uk
01-07-2002, 12:11
And you think i give all my bait to the fish!!well think again boys, its in ma belly!!
"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."
"Watchout, watchout... there's a Humphrey about."
Tadpolepat
01-07-2002, 20:30
Scientists speculate the evidence for a 10th planet in our solar system.
findafew
03-07-2002, 12:07
Dont look so worried, its only my pet squirrel looking for some nuts!
Im really excited now (as you can see), knowing this is a naturist Match.
MKJ
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Your's ain't as big.
MKJ
findafew
08-07-2002, 12:45
In the Bond film, Man with the Golden Gun, Scaramanga was unique because he had 3 nipples, but look, so am I, ive only got 1!
fishydave
09-07-2002, 09:38
"The ladies luv me, just look at the buldge in my pocket"
After running out of the bushes to hit a flyer,
Ian suddenly realised he hadn't pulled his shorts down far enough whilst taking a much needed number 2......
Scaley..
Oh what a lovly bunch of coconuts, did you say is that a bunch of keys in my pocket, No! I'm just pleased to see you
Ian thought he could deflate by cranking his hardon right..
Excited by the smell of his wet and slimy net Ian gets ready to show it some love..
Ian chuckled as the Pikies struggled to evade his advances..
Ian does his best to prove that his belly profile isnt to disguise his 32b breasts...
activeviii
11-07-2002, 17:39
who said bollies give you a beer gut, mine have done wonders for my figure.
Ian smirks as he recalls how when the aliens took him and tried to make him like them, they forgot to remove his belly button..
"and this tattoo here says "mummy"....hmm well it did before I took a liking to Ginsters meat pies"
"and who says that carping is a lazy mans sport..done me no harm..given me a strong body and a healthy mind it has"
Ian tried desperately to hide his dismay when he discovered what the nasty side effects from his breast reduction treatment had done to his stomach.
And on the 10th day, when God was bored and fancied a laugh, he created Mr Russell.
(sorry mate all the above are purely in jest)
'Fishabil owner Raphael Farraghi was more than a little dissapointed when his latest model began to undress'
don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when i'm angry
Ian Russel age 4.
Sparsholt breeding programme does the business again
Nick Ross "he was last seen running towards the car park,
Please don't have nightmares, goodnight"
findafew
22-07-2002, 09:01
Right, jokes over, who's nicked me shades?
carpsharpe
22-07-2002, 12:31
I would show you my left one aswell, but it has slipped into my pocket
...and look what happens when you touch it....
findafew
22-07-2002, 14:50
Amazing. Don't understand it. We were getting on so well. All I did was this & she legged it!
Tadpolepat
22-07-2002, 15:23
Ian proves once again that chocolate digestives are a viable alternative to sex.
Handling to many smelly balls can do that to a man
Another satisfied customer.
Ok who's next?
...the Proctolagist said the anaesthetic would wear off in a few hours...
Hey look...the nice men in white coats let me dress myself today!
it became apparent that coco the clown did not look better when the makeup came off.....he actually scared more children this way!
Look, "Perfect POP Bellies"!!!!
Clarissa
26-07-2002, 13:39
If I stand here long enough someone might come up with a winning witty caption. You get a bit stiff standing like this
Ian's Anna Kournikova impression was rubbish without the tennis racquet........
..you put your right t1t in, your right t1t out, in out, in out, and shake it all about...
Ian was showing the lads his latest technique for impressing the ladies..( apparantly it works around his area)
Scaley..
danny_172
29-07-2002, 14:27
;-)
Steinburg
29-07-2002, 15:33
I've got this great trick of producing a bunny rabbit, look, there's nothing under here.....
In a Victor Kyam type of voice.........
"HBS.....Mmmmm, i liked the company so much..........i ate it" !!!!!
HBS's new pop up penguin takes an impressive marked speciman.........
Stuart
jamesmirror
30-07-2002, 10:41
"If this dont turn em on nothin will"!
jamesmirror
30-07-2002, 10:45
He had just landed a 40lb and with all the excitement started stripping and then a couple of hours later he wondered why ihe'd never even had a knock
Ian now saying
"please end the competition soon, I've lost weight since then. Honest"
(in a broad scottish acent)
i want to eat ya baby
Tiny
"the first time Mr Kipling was seen in public was a bit of a shocker, but he does make exceeedingly good baits!"
"it was all a bit of luck really, just turn my nipple 40 degrees to the left and popus come out my navel"
No Garth...I don't sell bait boats, cross my heart....
and now for the secret ingredient for my bait dips....just let me get my top off so i don't get it all sticky.....where's the kleenex...?
findafew
15-08-2002, 12:21
Ian's Pop Idol audition - even the belt- line failed to impress judge Simon Cowell!
"See my breasts aren't small and humble they're mountains.I get them out whenever, wherever."
Is that something in your pocket or are you just a true fisherman and exagerating!!!
If you look carefully at our specimen ladies and gentlemen you will see we have done extensive tests on our new heathrow baits to ensure that it is good for the fish.
As you can see by this fine figure of man it works wonders!!!!
Ellims mum!!
Director
20-08-2002, 17:18
See.The first tattoo didn't give me a big yellow rancid, putrid growth like the one of the butterfly on the buttock I had done.
crafty69
20-08-2002, 17:57
Honastly Mr welch thats not a snide rod in my pocket
Sign up with HBS boyo, and you'll find out just what's in my pocket...........and so Cash did /forum/images/icons/smile.gif /forum/images/icons/smile.gif /forum/images/icons/smile.gif
jimmyboblaz
23-08-2002, 14:33
he got the wrong idea when I asked for some milk
jimmyboblaz
23-08-2002, 14:35
Get in my belly
jimmyboblaz
23-08-2002, 14:35
im gonna eat you
Cash's HBS interview wasn't quite what he was expecting.......
jimmyboblaz
23-08-2002, 14:37
have it
FROGMACBACON
24-08-2002, 14:35
I've been using too much pop-up mix today.......its making me top FLOAT
It appeared that Ian had used the wrong kind of 'sugar' in his coffee.......
It wasn't just the fish that were stimulated by HBS's new amino dip......
When Ian Russel said he wanted more cash in his pocket, he didn't mean literally!!!!!!
Crispy
Clarissa
01-09-2002, 12:19
The wife was showing me how to make a stiff rig, but we ended up with this pop-up
missing_frimley
04-09-2002, 21:25
Ian could'nt afford a Harley Street plastic surgeon after overspending a new bait rolling machine. This sadly meant that no matter how much he showed them off, his new t*ts always looked small.... and if that was'nt bad enough he looked rather "misfigured" with a co*k extension on his hip.
AntiEuro
07-09-2002, 16:09
Heathrow Bait Services' bollies "ideal for a greedy pig rig"
Steve_White
10-09-2002, 22:49
"How much longer am I going to have to stand here waiting for the competition to end!!"
Jimmy6bellies
11-09-2002, 11:08
"I can get a hole 22mm boilie in this belly button"!!!!
Tuttifrutti
18-09-2002, 13:18
Seeing the distinctive marking on the underside of the belly, the young new face to the "Circuit" waters said...
"I think i've finally caught One Scale"!!!
For Sale:
Space Hopper....one careful owner....
Here is the proof that I personally taste all the baits we sell !!!!!
collyers
19-09-2002, 23:21
"Here at HBS we like to go that bit further than the rest"
'I hope this competition is over before winter sets in...'
Can you lend a hand mate, I need a pee and I can't see past this belly to undo my pants.
5 months I've been here so who's the DADDY
I'm telling you the truth - I had a girdle on when I started fishing this morning - but now it's gone.
carpingmad
24-09-2002, 21:54
With freinds like this who needs enemys
General_Maddness
25-09-2002, 11:28
If that were on a Woman, she would be pregnant!
Ian: It has been and she is!
This comp has been going for over 5 months, it must be time to finish it and start a new one !!!!!!!.
Am I pleased to see you or have I got a donkey choker in my pocket!!
"I have got 3 nipples, honest!)
"Are you sure this is the latest bankside fashion? The Fox crop top!)
ANY BODY SEEN IANS CAMO VIPER HE WANTS TO CHANGE HIS SHIRT
it's no wonder i smell a bit - i've been standing here since april....
CARPINITREEL
03-10-2002, 20:58
NORMALLY IF I SWING LIKE THIS I CAN GRT BOTH ME BALLS TO COME OUT ME POCKETS!
Is that a 10ml tutti frutti in your pocket,or are you just pleased to see me?..
Jimmy6bellies
10-10-2002, 16:02
"I hope they hurry up and finish this competition, its gonna be bloody freezing standing here with my t1t hanging out in December!!"
The secret to the new pungent spice.
Stick 'em in your pants and wriggle
findafew
15-10-2002, 17:52
Now, watch the other pocket when I show you my left nipple!
crafty69
28-10-2002, 19:55
Post deleted by Garth
allright mate........ want to buy some bait?
Thats one hell of a sack you've got in your shorts Mr.Russell.
However i'm afraid i'll have to ask you to leave, as they are banned on all RMC waters.
Mick barnes
30-10-2002, 21:08
Hey Lewis
I've got a sack in my pocket, want to lend it?
Do I make you feel horny Baby ? Grrr...
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